I feel way too compelled to share. I got hit by teenage urges really hard. A girl I was into teased me only to reveal later that she thought I was weird, which I found out through friends. It felt crushing. I became a bit of an incel, but I eventually made a friend of the opposite sex. I deliberately shifted focus from desperation to simply existing in the moment. Someone enjoyed my presence sincerely and it repaired some of that shame weighing me down. I eventually met my would be wife and treated her like a friend until it was more than that.
true true!
Showing genuine interest and caring about another person may get you a partner, who’d have thought it ~
I do wonder if the “strsngers online” part didn’t help.
You get, I dunno, call them the most popular/attractive women, who attract random compliments. Constantly getting strangers telling them “you’re pretty.” Coupoe with the actual weirdos sending them DMs like “Show me your feet,” and that maked the woman bitter and jaded so even basic compliments start to get (justifiably) negative back, even if its “You’re pretty” or even lesser comments (say, “I like your art”).
Then those guys start to equate this behavior to every woman, including real life. Especially as it also starts to morph a bit on the women’s side into “Dudes are all creeps.”
And I am not trying to blame either men nor women here, just that it becomes its own toxic snowball that results in incels.
This also isn’t helped by the 90-2000s epidemic of Movie and TV stereotypes in teen movies. Only hot jocks and cheerleaders are acceptable and nerds are ugly and terrible people.
Also the theme from the time that you’d get the girl by harassing her until she caved.
But I’m not in a position to talk. I had to harass my wife a bit because she’s just like me and forgets to respond to messages. But it was more like, “it’s been a few days since she responded. I’ll try once more and if I don’t get an answer, I’ll move on.”
🤯
People who recommend negging are evil.
People who recommend looksmaxxing are quite morally questionable because they’re trying to turn dating into a socially darwinistic battle royale, which i guess is in response to the proliferation of dating apps, which they perceive as a socially darwinistic battle royale, in roughly their own words. They also outright lie - no, not everyone likes hunter eyes or sunken cheekbones, tallness, even skinniness, or bulky muscles. This feels like a war against human diversity. And in many cases they pretend these looksmaxxed features just naturally appear when you lead the perfect masculine routine of icebaths, red meat meals and frequent workouts. Which is a lie. (I think stuff like this is why there are articles saying ‘exercise culture is fascist’)
But back to negging: not only is this encouraged by a plurality of random young people online, but it’s weirdly also pushed hard by hollywood & american television - anyone else noticed that?
And negging is ALSO endorsed by, that’s right, none other than Jeffrey Epstein. He had a bunch pf emails going “wow, dude, your negging advice totally works! She wants me more than ever!” So yes, it’s safe to say it’s actually evil. Part and parcel of training people to objectify their partners (so is looksmaxxing, because to objectify yourself usually causes you to objectify your partner)
Rant over.
Shit, probably the best dating perspective on this greentext community in a long time.
A LOT of guys here would pretty much say “Yea, it’s bad, but that’s just how human brains work, we are wired a certain way, heard mentality, blah blah blah.” and that shit does not sound right. Glad you are combating that
Also yea, fuck negging
A LOT of guys here would pretty much say “Yea, it’s bad, but that’s just how human brains work, we are wired a certain way, heard mentality, blah blah blah.” and that shit does not sound right. Glad you are combating that
What I never get about this is…does not your very existence refute this argument? If you’re a 20-something male and convinced that your genetics just doom you forever to celibacy…how exactly do you explain your own existence? Unless you are the result of a rape, you, by definition, have the genes necessary to attract a partner. After all, everyone in your family line prior to you managed to do it. If your genes were so incredibly bad that literally no one would want you as a partner, then your parents would have never gotten together, and you wouldn’t exist.
No one springs forth fully formed from the brow of Zeus. The very existence of an incel disproves incel theology.
That doesn’t necessarily hold up though. A ceasar salad is delicious. So is pistachio ice creme. The result of mixing the two however…
I think stuff like this is why there are articles saying ‘exercise culture is fascist’
Probably plays a part of it, but the main reason why is because fascism has always been obsessed with aesthetics, individualism, and the concept of übermenschen. Much of our modern health & wellness industry is focused more on aesthetics than actual health outcomes. A lot of it can be traced directly back to the eugenics movement in the 1920s.
Its always confounded me that, somewhere along the line, Simping:Spending time and money to let a stranger on the internet know you think she’s pretty and you likely see romance as transactional, got conflated with “Simping”: having the guts and sincerity to compliment a woman in-person, without reservation or expectation of reward.
Like, what? How did that become a thing?
Oh “why do good girls like bad guys” is one of those questions of the ages. It exists for many reasons, but the short list is:
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there’s a fine line between confidence and assholery solution: may you have the strength to change the things you can, the patience to endure the things you can’t, and the wisdom to know the difference. Once you trust your judgment in such things, act confidently on them, or at least try to look it.
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there’s a bunch of emotions that are neurochemically identical and that can often be misattributed as each other and “scared” and “horny” share most of the same neurotransmitters. Solution: go see a scary movie, go to a rollercoaster park, or do a physical activity together that involves cardio.
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daddy issues and other psychosocial toxicity that you probably don’t want anything to do with anyway. Solution: don’t put your dick in (or your vagina on) crazy.
Men are animals. Women are also animals. They usually get along better overall when they’re both trying to be mindful of that, both for their own sake and that of the other person.
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Extreme insecurity is a terrifying thing, so withholding and abusing as a form of control to distance yourself from the parts of yourself that are insecure is the “solution.” Then they stay in social spaces where it’s standard practice to reinforce this nonsense and bob’s your uncle, you’ve got an incel.
Figuring out how to be comfortable around people in a way that doesn’t isolate you is a simple idea to vocalize, but a pretty massive undertaking.
The real answer is that only works sometimes. Different girls like different things, and no matter how hot or nice or cool or rich you are, some girls will just not be into you. Women are individuals, it’s not a hard concept.
i just wish more would actually say no instead of saying “thanks” or something neutral like that
i can take rejection but thanks comes off like “eh. maybe, but you seem kind of lame/weird”, which in my head becomes a challenge to show them your not lame. which is a thin line between trying to convince them to give you a shot vs being pushy/creepy, if that thanks was meant as a “no thanks”.
as an autist, it frustrates me when people don’t just say what they mean.
Yes, but they do that because men freak out and threaten them when they just flatly say no. And it’s terrifying when that happens. It’s not them being rude of flaky or obtuse to try and be annoying, rejecting a man is potentially dangerous and they are in the shitty position where they have to mitigate that danger.
I get it though, even if only 1% of men react violently to direct rejection, it makes sense to be careful. Not a lottery you want to play.
So much of dating dynamic feels like it’s just been ruined by a few assholes, and the internet giving those assholes more reach only exacerbates it.
I don’t think its just a few assholes. Men react badly to rejection REGULARLY, to the point that every woman I know has been threatened or screamed at by men they have rejected kindly. I’ve even witnessed it happen on several occasions with strangers and to my friends and have had to step in. And not just a few times, like I can think of ten times at least where I’ve had to involve myself when seeing something like that happen.
Hell, even in healthy relationships. I noticed my husbands mental health was getting rough, so I tried to bring it up. He got so defensive so fast, tried to flip it on me when he got panicky.
We talked that incident out, but people seem to generally just get defensive about sensitive things all the time, like reflexively. Unless you’ve done extensive inner work, it’s how it goes. How many avoidants walk this earth christ
Yes my wife does similar things to me when I do that with her. I can also think back to times where I’ve been overly defensive about things I’m insecure about. But none of those were related to women wanting to be with me.
Draw her a little portrait the next day
It’s been so long since I’ve seen or heard a Napoleon Dynamite reference in the wild
what if the whole thing of turning insecure and mentally challenged men into the worst they could be was an elaborate ruse form the start ? to reduce the amount of competition
It is an elaborate ruse. But not to reduce competition, it’s to just turn young men into angry unstable individuals which can be used for nefarious purposes. We have literal evidence of it happening with Gamergate and there’s some evidence those young men may have just helped get Donald Trump elected in his first term.
When people are angry and lonely they can be easily coopted for stuff, you just offer them a community and an outlet for their rage and they are yours to do as you want.
I had to google negging and am surprised to say it is slightly less digusting than what I expected
Second-to-last line sounds like she introduces her boyfriend to anon. But anon seems happy about that, so good for them!
